


Fool For You

by wabadabadaba



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal, Fighting, Fingering, How Do I Tag, M/M, Past Character Death, Rough Sex, Shoving, Toxic Relationship, i dont think there are any other tags, im sad about it, this idea hit me like a goddamn brick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:02:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24691984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wabadabadaba/pseuds/wabadabadaba
Summary: When you're looking like thisI just can't resist itI know sometimes I hide itBut I can't this time 'cause it's gonna defeat meBut if you won't believe meBelieve meor the one where Zayn hurts Louis so Louis starts a fight to make sure Zayn still cares about him
Relationships: Zayn Malik/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 3
Kudos: 25





	Fool For You

**Author's Note:**

> Picture this, me in bed playing Animal Crossing and watching youtube videos when suddenly I'm hit with this idea and I have to stop running around my island to write it. This hurt to write, honestly. I tend to be very melodramatic, ask Tori, she'll tell you. But this fic really really hurt to write. I don't know but Zayn and Louis' lack of a friendship sucks and that is what inspired this. Also a gif I saw years ago of the boys on stage and Zayn shoving Louis inspired this. I have never forgotten it and I have always wanted to write an angry fight turns into sex fic. 
> 
> I know this note is long enough but I wanted to say a few things about the theme of their relationship in this fic. The way I wrote their relationship is quite toxic and you should never, ever feel like you have to fight your partner to feel something or get the truth out of them. No amount of violence is okay and saying harsh words to get a reaction out of someone also isn't okay. If you find yourself in a realtionship, platonic or romantic, where you hurt each other to feel loved, please please please get out of it. You are worth more than being in any form of pain. 
> 
> Take care of yourself and your loved ones. Black lives matter, there are still plenty of petitions to sign and work to be done. Love you all.

There were many reasons for Louis Tomlinson to be crying, shaking and upset. He knew crying and being angry over the fact that one of his best friends not supporting him at his performance of the new single wasn’t something he should be crying over. In the grand scheme of things, it was nothing. The crew of X Factor, Louis’ family and friends and the other boys of One Direction were there and supporting him. It should not have mattered that Zayn Malik wasn’t there. He hadn’t talked to Zayn in a long time, in fact the last time they really talked was via twitter and it hadn’t gone well. Of course when Louis found out about his mother’s illness, he told the boys, including Zayn, and they all offered their support. Even Zayn said something kind to him and when he told them about the performance and wanting _all_ of them to attend, he assumed they all would. The shock and anger filled Louis’ veins immediately when he realized Zayn wasn’t going to show up. 

It should have been an insignificant detail of the evening, Louis should have been able to let it go. He couldn’t have possibly thought Zayn was actually going to show up. He called Zayn a coward the last time they talked other than condolences. It shouldn’t have stung so bad and yet, the pain was real and it was visceral. It wasn’t a constant ache and he didn’t think about it all the time but the times that he did, he was left gasping for air. He would cry and get enraged, he would throw things and curse Zayn’s name loudly and ferociously. 

Louis could not imagine Zayn going through something so important, so devastating and Louis not putting his own feelings to the side to support Zayn. It was mind boggling to Louis because they used to be best friends, they clicked on a level that the other boys didn’t. They shared late night smoke breaks, they shared their fears of the world, their sexualites and what would happen after the band. They played more roughly with each other and had an unspoken language with one another. They would hide away for days and smoke and drink and wrestle and kiss and bite each other. Their love wasn’t sweet, wasn’t quite romantic but it was strong and fierce. 

It was the kind of love, the boys worried was toxic but Louis and Zayn would wave them off and say they were fine. They would shrug and shove another and say _this is just how we are_ , or _he knows I love him_. And they did, they knew they loved each other and would go to the ends of the earth for one another but then Zayn didn’t show up for Louis when he needed him and Louis felt more waves of hurt and anger. 

The weeks leading up to the meetings for their reunion were a struggle. Louis was a ball of nervous energy. He was continuously pacing his house, he was smoking a pack of cigarettes a day and he even joined Liam at the gym to try boxing because he had so much pent up energy. The worst part of all was that he didn’t even know if Zayn was going to show up. The boys had long since separated their group chats into two groups; one with Louis and one with Zayn. Every time Louis was going to ask one of the other boys if Zayn was going to be there, he shut his mouth. He couldn’t even say Zayn’s name without choking on it. Maybe he should have asked, maybe he should have prepared himself.

Because the second he walked into the meeting room and saw Zayn Malik slumped in a chair without a care in the world, Louis wanted to walk up to him and punch him in the face. The rage overcame Louis so strongly and quickly that even Louis didn’t know what to do. His body temperature rose, his heart was beating out of his chest and his palms were sweaty. All tell tale signs that Louis’ flight or fight response was kicking in and right now, staring at Zayn, he wanted to fight. Louis felt a hand on his shoulder and someone talking to him but Louis had tunnel vision and he couldn’t pay attention. It was only until the person tugged on Louis’ arm that Louis finally tore his gaze away from Zayn.

“Hey,” Harry whispered softly, staring into Louis’ eyes. “Don’t do anything you’ll regret. Sit by me, okay? I’ve got you.”

Louis didn’t think he could talk so he merely nodded and allowed Harry to pull him into one of the chairs, far away from Zayn. Liam sat near Harry and Niall sat near Zayn, not to pick sides but to make sure Zayn knew it wasn’t us vs him. Louis stayed quiet during the meeting despite having plenty of opinions. He bounced his leg up and down and balled his hands into fists, despite Harry’s hand on his thigh or his arm or the back of his neck in an act of _I know this is hard but I’m here for you_. Louis appreciated the thought but Louis was angry and no matter how Harry or Liam or Niall tried to distract Louis, it wasn’t going away any time soon. 

When the meeting ended, Louis stormed out of the office and drove a little too dangerous back to his house where he screamed and went to the garage where he placed a punching bag and hit it repeatedly until his screams and anger turned into tears and hurt. He ignored his friends texts and calls for the evening to allow himself to feel mad and sad and the next day, he swallowed his pride and got on with life. 

That’s how Louis treated the following meetings about the reunion; he would sit next to Harry or Liam, try not to shake, leave immediately to be alone, cry and then act like everything was fine. It wasn’t working, of course but Louis was able to keep up the facade for two more weeks until he couldn’t anymore. 

Louis knew he was early for the meeting but he assumed Harry would be there as well because according to Harry _if you aren’t early, you’re late_. So Louis walked into the office building, hands in his hoodie pockets and stood in the doorway of the room and stared at Zayn, who was slumped in an office chair. Zayn looked up from his phone and stared at Louis, not saying a word and his expression unreadable. Zayn hadn’t even said anything or done anything but Louis was frustrated. After all this time, after abandoning Louis in his time of need, all Zayn could do was sit improperly in a chair and blink at him. 

“Fuck you,” Louis spat at Zayn. 

It was the first thing Louis has said to Zayn in two years and it wasn’t enough, Louis didn’t know if he could ever convey what he truly wanted to say to Zayn but _fuck you_ seemed like a good start. Louis watched as Zayn moved, he thought Zayn would stand up or something but all Zayn did was move around in the chair and keep staring at Louis like he had no idea why Louis could have possibly cursed him. Louis didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of getting riled up but Zayn looked so smug just sitting there, acting like nothing was wrong and it hurt Louis even more.

“You have nothing to say to me?” Louis asked. “After all this time?” 

Zayn pocketed his phone. “What do you want me to say?”

Louis didn’t know, was the thing. He thought about what Zayn could possibly say to him to make it better and Louis had no idea. An apology wouldn’t change the past and he wasn’t sure if they could move past their problems to be at a better place with one another. 

“Anything,” Louis finally answered. “Do you even have a good excuse?” 

Louis was talking about the X Factor performance now and he knew if Zayn asked what he was talking about, Louis would have no problem actually punching him in the face. 

“Nothing I ever say will make it right Louis,” Louis hated the way Zayn said his name, he’s heard it a million times and it always sends a jolt of electricity through his veins, even now. Zayn finally stood up and carefully started walking towards Louis. “I can tell you why but it won’t make it better and we both know that.”

Louis hated that Zayn was right and honestly, Louis didn’t want to hear whatever Zayn’s reasons were because there would never be a time when Louis thought they were good enough for Zayn not showing up for him. 

“You hurt me.” 

“I know,” Zayn nodded.

Louis stared at Zayn, the acknowledgement sent another wave of anger through Louis and he knew he needed to step back. He needed to turn around and walk outside and wait for one of the boys. He couldn’t be alone in a room with Zayn because he was angry enough to do something about all of his pent up emotions. 

“How can you stand here in front of me and admit you hurt me and not offer an apology?” Louis asked, taking his hands out of his pockets as he stepped towards Zayn. “Hm? Do you have anything to say for yourself?” Zayn didn’t say anything and it was making Louis more and more frustrated. “Say something, Zayn, say _anything_.” Zayn stayed quiet as Louis walked closer so they were nearly touching. “Goddamn it Zayn!” Louis pushed Zayn, causing him to take a step back. “Do you really not give a damn about me that much? Say something! Fight back, I know you have it in you!” 

Louis shoved Zayn again but Zayn wasn’t reacting and it was making Louis even more heated, more frustrated and more sad. Why didn’t Zayn care? They always did this, they fought and they made up. If Zayn didn’t want to fight back, did that really mean they were over for good? 

“I know you’re pissed at me because I called you out on your bullshit. I called you out for who you really are,” Louis smirked at Zayn. “A coward.”

Zayn glared and stepped closer to Louis, causing Louis to smile. _Finally_ , a reaction. Something to show that Zayn wasn’t fully gone. Something to prove to Louis that they still had something between them.

“I’m not a coward,” Zayn told Louis, his voice calm despite his behavior showing otherwise. “I never was and I never will be.”

Louis let out a laugh. “Right, says the _boy_ who left the band midtour. Says the _boy_ who couldn’t stand up for himself, says the _boy_ who couldn’t get over his own shit long enough to be there for someone he once claimed to love.”

Zayn closed his eyes, breathing in deeply before opening them again and staring at Louis. “I did love you, how fucking dare you question that after all we’ve been through.”

“Fuck you,” Louis shoved Zayn again. “You think I wouldn’t question it after you didn’t show up to my performance? After you didn’t come to the fucking funeral? After I called you sobbing, unable to breath and begging for you?” Louis was shaking, his eyes hurt from the tears he was trying to hold back. “I begged you, Zayn, I called out for you and all I wanted was for you to be there for me! You don’t think you _abandoning_ me was a reason to question your love?”

Louis was yelling now, standing chest to chest with Zayn who wasn’t backing down either but his eyes were sad. Zayn opened his mouth to say something and Louis was excited to hear what he had to say but before Zayn could retort with anything, Liam walked into the room.

“What’s going on?” he asked his friends. 

Louis laughed and shook his head. “Nothing,” Louis backed away from Zayn but didn’t stop making eye contact. “Nothing at all.” Louis finally turned around and walked towards the door. “Tell them I’m unwell or fuck, tell them the truth. That Zayn and I can’t stand to be in the same room as each other, tell them that Zayn can’t tell the fucking truth to save his life!” Louis yelled, ignoring Harry and Niall who walked into the room now. “Tell them that Zayn Malik is a fucking coward and can’t admit that he never truly loved me in the first place. I don’t fucking care anymore.”

Louis shoved his way through Harry and Niall and left the building, not surprised that no one followed him. He made it all the way home, even made himself a cup of tea before he broke down into body shaking sobs. He clutched his chest, where his heart literally ached and fell onto the couch and called out for Zayn despite everything. 

Hours later, when it was dark and Louis should have eaten something ages ago and he should probably try and sleep, someone knocked on his door. He expected it to be one of the boys, probably Harry. He tried to reach out to Louis earlier but Louis couldn’t be bothered to respond back and even if he did, he had nothing to say. What he didn’t expect but wasn’t upset by, was Zayn standing on the other side of the door. Louis wordlessly let him into his house and stood in the entryway, staring at him. He wasn’t going to give in again and speak first. If Zayn showed up, he could do all the talking or the fighting. 

“You’re a selfish bastard Louis Tomlinson, you always have been,” Louis couldn’t help but smile despite the insult; he never knew how to handle the silence between them but the fighting, the fighting he could handle. “I can’t believe you would question my love, it was always you, Louis. You were my first in so many ways. You knew how deeply I loved you, you knew how much I adored you and how I would do anything for you.”

“And yet you couldn’t do the one thing that I asked, that I _begged_ for.”

Zayn was quiet again and Louis hated it but he knew what he said was true, they both did. Zayn’s silence was confirmation that he got all of Louis’ desperate voicemails, all of his texts and pleads. Louis didn’t know what hurt worse right now, Zayn trying to convince Louis their love was real or Zayn admitting that he wasn’t there for Louis. All of it was meddled together and Louis knew he was on the verge of tears but he didn’t want to cry.

Louis crossed his arms over his chest and smirked as he walked up to Zayn until they were practically nose to nose and eyed Zayn up and down before staring into his hazel eyes. “Just admit that you were a coward and you failed me, fucking dick.”

Louis laughed when Zayn shoved him and shook his head as he smiled and walked up to Zayn to finally, finally punch him after all these years but Zayn caught his arm which only angered Louis further. Louis fought against Zayn’s grip on his wrist as he tried to twist out of it and use his other hand to shove Zayn away from him but Zayn had grown stronger than he was years ago. As Louis struggled against Zayn to get free, he grew more and more frustrated. He wanted to be free, he wanted to hit Zayn and make him feel the pain that he caused Louis. He wanted Zayn to realize the torture he put Louis through. 

Suddenly, Zayn let Louis go and it caused Louis to stumble backwards into the shelves behind him. Louis’ back hit the edge of the bookstand causing pain to shoot up Louis’ back and make him cry out. 

“You’re such a twat,” Louis glared as he surged forward to hit Zayn.

Instead of hitting Zayn however, Zayn caught Louis’ arms in his own again and smashed his lips against Louis’. It was painful and Louis was sure his lips were going to be bruised afterwards but he kissed Zayn back. It was rough, they were biting each other’s lips, sucking them harshly and Zayn’s grasp on Louis’ arms were undoubtedly going to leave marks. Louis managed to push Zayn away long enough to free himself before grabbing the front of Zayn’s t-shirt and pulled him towards him so their lips and noses clashed against each other. Louis pushed Zayn into the wall behind him and used Zayn’s surprise as a way to pin Zayn’s wrists to the wall as Louis kissed down Zayn’s neck and bit the skin at the base of it. 

Zayn gasped and rocked his hips against Louis’ harshly causing Louis to gasp and bite down on Zayn’s shoulder. When Louis felt like Zayn was going to get free, Louis moved so he was standing in between Zayn’s legs and ground his hips into Zayn’s thigh.

“Fuck,” Zayn nosed Louis’ neck until Louis was kissing him again.

Finally, Zayn pushed his wrists away from the wall and wrapped his arms around Louis and groaned into Louis' mouth as Louis tugged on Zayn’s hair. Zayn moved his hands down to Louis’ thighs and bent down slightly and tapped, a signal they had always used for Louis to jump into Zayn’s arms. Louis remembered it easily and allowed Zayn to carry him into the living room. Zayn dropped Louis onto the couch rather roughly and stared down at him, an unreadable expression as he stood above Louis.

“Take your clothes off,” Zayn demanded.

Louis bit back the retort he had and took his clothes off, watching Zayn do the same before Zayn straddled Louis hips and began to kiss him, all tongue and hands roaming over Louis’ smooth skin. 

“Shit,” Louis gasped as Zayn wrapped his tattooed hand around his rock hard cock. 

Louis rocked his hips into Zayn’s hand as Zayn moved his hand up and down quickly. It stung without any form of lubrication but it stung in all the right ways, it made Louis feel something he hadn’t felt in a long time. Zayn moved his hand away from Louis’ just as Louis was close to cumming, causing him to cry out.

“Shut up,” Zayn rolled his eyes. “You’ve always been impatient.”

“You’ve never been fast enough.”

“If you’re not going to shut up,” Zayn said, shoving two fingers into Louis’ mouth.

Louis couldn’t help but moan as he closed his eyes and sucked Zayn’s fingers as if they were his dick. Louis opened his eyes again and looked at Zayn through his eyelashes. He was kneeling above him, eyes blown wide and hair a mess as he watched Louis suck his fingers. Zayn pulled his fingers out of Louis’ mouth and brought them down to Louis’ hole; Louis spread his legs wordlessly and nodded at Zayn, who made eye contact, a silent question of consent.

Despite their fighting, and the push and pull of their feelings and the way they touched each other, Zayn was always careful when he entered Louis’; whether it was with his fingers or his cock. Louis’ spit wasn’t enough lubrication to take away all of the pain and the discomfort but it only heightened Louis’ senses and it wasn’t long until Louis was begging for more. 

“I’m not a virgin, if you recall,” Louis panted as Zayn worked three fingers into Louis. “I’m ready.”

Zayn didn’t move his fingers out of Louis though, instead he hovered over Louis and kissed him again. “Condom?” 

“I’m clean, I haven’t, not in a while. Not since,” Louis trailed off, not wanting to fully admit that he hasn’t had sex since Zayn.

“Me either,” Zayn admitted before sitting up and pulling his fingers out of Louis. Louis watched as Zayn wrapped his own hand around himself and tugged a few times before lining up. “Like always?” Zayn asked.

The question sent a flurry of emotions through Louis that he couldn’t or didn’t want to decipher in the moment. Instead he nodded and before he had time to prepare himself, Zayn was shoving himself into Louis. Louis’ back arched off the couch as he let out a loud scream, mostly out of pain instead of pleasure. Zayn bottomed out and dipped his head back at the feeling before dipping down and capturing Louis’ lips in a kiss, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth.

“Are you okay?” Zayn asked as Louis’ eyes watered.

“Yes,” Louis breathed. “It’s not from that.”

Zayn merely nodded and kissed the stray tear that slid out of Louis’ eye. Zayn rolled his hips slowly to help Louis get used to it before Louis started rocking his hips, a sign for Zayn to move so he did. Zayn pulled almost all the way out before slamming back in and repeating the motion, rocking up into Louis. It was the right mixture of pain and pleasure, it was purely euphoric and it was causing Louis’ chest to tighten. The familiarity of it all made the tears finally spill from Louis’ closed eyes. 

“Fuck,” Louis sobbed as Zayn found his prostate. “Fuck you,” he breathed. 

“Fuck you right back,” Zayn hissed, biting Louis’ collarbone. 

Louis clung to Zayn, his short nails digging into Zayn’s golden skin; both of their bodies had a thin layer of sweat between them now. Zayn moved so he could hook one of Louis’ legs onto his shoulder. 

“Goddamn it!” Louis yelled as Zayn hit the right spot. “You weren’t there for me, I needed you and you weren’t there,” Louis cried, as he slung his other leg around Zayn’s wasit. 

“I left you,” Zayn admitted. “I left you asking for me, begging for me. I was scared, I was sad and I didn’t know how to see you after such heartbreak. I couldn’t fix it,” Zayn panted. “Fuck,” he was close, they both were. “I hid, like I always did and I regret it everyday.”

Louis sobs were mixed with profanities and moans as Zayn continued to thrust into Louis and it wasn’t long until his hands found Zayn’s hair and he tugged like he knew Zayn loved, screaming _I hate you_ , as he came over Zayn’s stomach.

“I know,” Zayn sighed, panting. “I’m sorry,” he cried as he came inside Louis.

Zayn helped remove Louis’ leg from his shoulder and carefully pulled out of Louis, he made a move to lay beside him but Louis’ nails were digging into Zayn’s back as he pulled Zayn down on top of him. Louis clung to Zayn as he cried, and Zayn cried as well as they held onto each other, not caring about the mess they made, physically or emotionally. 

Eventually, Louis couldn’t cry anymore and he was having a hard time breathing. They were sweaty, sore and gross so Louis wordlessly pulled Zayn off the couch and walked, hand in hand to the master bathroom. Zayn turned on the shower while Louis got them towels and washcloths and they silently got into the shower and started washing each other.

“I’m sorry,” Zayn apologized again. “That won’t make it better, I fucked up. I should have never abandoned you, I should have been there for you. You needed me and I wasn’t there. I let my pride and fears get in the way. I’m sorry,” Zayn cried. “I’m so sorry.” 

Louis cupped Zayn’s chin with his hand and kissed Zayn, sweeter and gentler than all the other kisses they shared earlier. Zayn dropped the washcloth in his hand and wrapped his arms around Louis and they held onto each other as they kissed, Zayn’s tongue caressing Louis’ lips. 

“I don’t hate you,” Louis whispered when they pulled away. “I didn’t mean that and I didn’t mean what I said at the office. I know you loved me, you did make me question it. I didn’t understand why you couldn’t be there for me and maybe I never will, maybe we’ll always hurt each other. But besides all that I know you loved me and I’m sorry I told you I didn’t. You aren’t a coward.”

Zayn laughed. “Now we both know that’s true and the reason I hate you calling me that is because you see right through me. Always have.” 

Louis shrugged and grabbed his washcloth since Zayn’s was on the bottom of the shower. “Well I can’t argue with that.”

They didn’t talk for the rest of the shower, they shared light, short kisses and held each other for minutes at a time before getting out. Louis got two sets of clothes and they got dressed silently. Before Zayn could say he was going to leave, Louis dragged him to the balcony so they could smoke together; like they used to. 

“My apologies will never be enough and I don’t know if I can do anything to make it better,” Zayn spoke, blowing smoke out of his mouth. “But if there is anything I can do for you, I will.”

“I don’t know if I could ever forgive you,” Louis admitted. “You really hurt me and I tried so hard to wrap my head around it. I thought of a million different reasons why you didn’t come. But I’ve missed you and I think I held onto the anger and the reason I started to fight you today was because I didn’t know how to handle seeing you after all this time,” Louis looked over at Zayn. “Believe it or not I have grown since my fighting days. I work out now with Liam, I’ve learned how to box and I’d like to believe I’m not as rude as I once was. I held onto the anger for you and the situation because it was what we are used to but I don’t want that Zayn.”

“I don’t either. I know why you did it, I was waiting for this fight for weeks. I wanted you to start it, I needed you to. As fucked up as it is, I know we needed this. You don’t owe me a damn thing, Louis. And I’m not saying this because of the reunion or because we just had sex or because I feel like I should, I’m saying this because I have wanted it for years. I want us to get to a place where we don't have to fight to admit the truth. If you don’t want me anymore, in any capacity I understand. What I did or rather didn’t do, was fucked. But if you’re willing to try, I am.”

Louis didn’t know what to say, he has dreamed of this moment for a long time. He questioned himself and thought it over in his mind a million times. The answer changed daily and he didn’t think he’d ever have the chance to actually answer so he was stumped. He looked over at Zayn and the familiarity crawled back into his heart and he remembered how hurt his mom was over the fight he had with Zayn. His mom adored Zayn and his family. She missed Zayn and often asked about him while she was ill and Louis would never, ever share that with Zayn; it would hurt him too much. While there was a time when Louis only wanted to hurt Zayn and truthfully, that time was only a few hours ago, he wouldn’t want to hurt Zayn in that way. 

Louis knew Zayn didn’t expect an answer right away. He knew Zayn would be patient and he would accept if there never was an answer. Louis didn’t know what he wanted. He looked at Zayn, reached out for him to hold his hand and when they finished their cigarettes, they climbed into bed together and held each other and shared stories from the years they missed each other. It was nice to reminisce and it was nice to smile and laugh again with the man Louis loved. Yet, he didn’t know if he could try again. He didn’t know if he could trust him again because who's to say that when Louis needed Zayn again, Zayn wouldn’t hide? 

They were older now, they had learned tough life lessons that most people hadn’t ever had to learn. Louis loved Zayn and despite what he said, he knew Zayn loved him too but love didn’t seem to be enough when it mattered most. But maybe Zayn was right all along; their love was tainted and despite the hurt they caused each other, they needed each other and Louis had always said if he could do it again he would. 

“Okay,” Louis whispered into the dark. They had stopped talking long ago but he knew Zayn wasn’t asleep yet. “Let’s try.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and let me know what you think. Be gentle though, I'm sensitive.


End file.
